(originally published in one of my rags, HUMP Megazine)
You want to get to the heart of the matter, do you really want to know what’s going on, do you want to get beyond the usual crap? Well then strap yourself in because it’s going to be a bumpy ride; for this is no sci-fi program, we have regained control of your TV set, and not for a meager hour, but forever. Truth is, you have all been lied to. Cultural lies, social lies, religious lies, financial lies, lies upon your lies, so many lies that nothing makes sense anymore. You’re so far gone that you quote lies as your “proof” that you’re indubitably correct, when you’re really heinously wrong.
Dead Reckoning is the process by which sailors and navigators chart the future by studying the past and present. But we are wrong about our past and blinded to our present and with such a predicament the future can only spell D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. Every Culture has it’s own lies to weed through. As Westerners we have our own unique mental knots to unwind to reclaim our past, namely Creationism and Darwinism. We have evolved from apes as much as we have evolved from two people named Adam and Eve. Limited to two wrong choices in our seminal past, it is easy to see how we have gotten to a present-day that is so limited and strange.
And while “reality” seems an unmovable force, things are not so set in stone. What we call reality is malleable, strangely elastic and available to twisting and bending by our own minds. Or at least that’s the way I’ve always imagined it. It started when I was 4 or 5 years old, learning the skills of my father. Standing by his side as he deftly instructed me on the subtleties of the remote control. Channels flickering at such a steady and constant rate that it was hypnotic and trance inducing. The cathode ray emitted directly to my cortex: Merv Griffen, Marcus Welby, Coke, Baseball, Popeye, Mr. Clean, Merv Griffen, Marcus Welby, Coke, Baseball, Popeye, Mr. Clean, a guy bending spoons with his mind. Whoah! A spoonbender? Even my dad in his semi-somnambulist state, paused to tune in.
His name was Uri Geller, he was most quickly noted as an Israeli Psychic, and as was the way of the times, he, like all notables, was on Merv Griffen, the talk show host with the most. Uri, unlike all to come before him or after him, did not admit to chicanery, prestidigitation or acts of legerdemain. Uri always contended that he was using the powers of his mind to bend spoons and other similar events. And so it began for me. I was off to the cutlery drawer to swipe spoons, press them to my head and strain my face till my mother stepped in before I ruptured vessels in my forehead. Yet, the idea that the mind had a hand in pushing the boundaries of what was real and what was illusion persisted throughout my adult life.
So let me spell this out. Uri Geller says he is really a psychic who can move things with his mind (among other fabulous tricks).
Throughout the interview I was pestered by all the criticism I have read of Uri over the years; that he’s a charlatan, a showman, a fake. I had a spoon pressed up against my head the entire time I did the interview, hoping that it would bend, or get warm, or anything out of the normal really. Of course, I also dreaded that the spoon would melt for then I would have to believe, but believe in what? Even if someone performs what we would think of as a miracle, it doesn’t prove divinity. The natural extension of our own powers as humans is only limited by our imagination.
To help you, the reader get some insight into my interview process, I’ve included some commentary in parenthesis alongside the interview.
Personally my belief is this. Psychic powers are being unleashed on a wide world scale, it could be evolutionary, it could be due to environmental factors, it could be alien death rays, who knows. But, and here’s the catch, the powers that be do not want kids to be psychic, running around remote viewing government secrets (re: lies), seeing who’s really behind the curtain in our police state of Oz. And so, we get 11,000 kids a day forced to take mood-changing pills. Prozac is the natural enemy of Psychic Powers! The government cannot kill the firstborn male anymore (until the next war) so it’s a pharmaceutical war.
Once more for the dim-witted, evolution is unleashing our psychic powers. The government is combating this by pushing mind-numbing pills down our children’s throats.
Then again, who knows. In any case, Uri swears that he’s the real deal and I have no reason to not believe him………hell, he knew my given name was David, what more proof do I need? I caught Uri in his castle in England, where he heals sick children from the Hospital all day long. Oh yeah, did I mention he spends his days curing children of cancer?
So put your cardboard pyramid on your head and sharpen your thinking, as we dive into the 70% of deep thinking, submerging into the HUMPy void…………….
Uri: Hello.
HUMP: Hi, Uri. This is DNA in California.
Uri: DNA, hi! Why are you called DNA?
HUMP: It’s the initials of my given name. (This question happens every interview.)
Uri: Which was?
HUMP: It was David $#&! *&?@@@. (censored, if I knew I would have to kill you)
Uri: I knew it was David. Anyhow, DNA. I like that.
HUMP: Thank you. I started doing stand-up comedy about 10 years ago, and its kind of a funny name. (Immediately I’m impressed he knew my name was David, wait, I told him didn’t I?)
Uri: Fantastic. Are you good at that?
HUMP: Yeah, I kind of lost the bug. Things aren’t funny all the time, and when you have to be the funny guy all the time, it’s too demanding. (Shouldn’t I be asking the questions?)
Uri: I know what you mean, but I’ll tell you something. If you are even mediocre, you can really make a lot of money with that.
HUMP: [laughs]. (Is he psychically intuiting that I’m a mediocre comedian, probably.)
Uri: But you have to learn how to push yourself, too.
HUMP: Right. Well, I definitely push myself. (I feel like pushing myself out of a window sometimes.)
Uri: But, DNA, go ahead and ask me whatever you want to ask me.
HUMP: Great! Well, I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I remember you back in the 70’s on TV all the time in The States, and I think you’re a touchstone for me for going into the field of psychology and just for really expanding my mind as a child by saying that what you believe is what you can create. You were one of the first people out there, globally, with that message. And I just read your new book…
Uri: Which one? Mind Medicine?
HUMP: Yes. (He only has one new book, but Uri is a shameless self-promoter.)
Uri: Okay._HUMP: And it seemed like a very practical explanation of the history of medicine and where we are now.
Uri: That is exactly what it was meant to send the message. But because I’m not a doctor, if you’ve noticed, I went out of my way to interview Deepak Chopra. Also, Andrew Weil was really nice to me to give me a foreword, because years and years ago, DNA, he actually interviewed me and he had a cover story in Psychology Today, and then somehow he cooled off, and he said, “Did Uri Geller really do these things, or did he trick me?” So he had done a follow-up which was sort of rather negative. And I was amazed that he said, “Yeah, I’ll write a foreword for you. You know, you’ve changed. You went on.” And then Larry Dorsey, you know, with the Power of Prayer, so I think it’s a very informative and logical book, and I get thousands of emails from around the world, because, you know, it’s translated into thousands of languages. It’s just helping people.
HUMP: It’s a beautiful book, too. The layout and design of the book is very nice, very pleasing. (How does he read thousands of e-mails from around the world, or is telepathy a universal language?)
Uri: Thank you.
HUMP: The book has a lot more simple messages, combining Eastern thought into the Western world of things. Important messages like what you think about yourself is more important than what others think of you.
Uri: Yes. And tell me, what made you call me? I mean, how did you find out, was it from the Mexican Conference? (For a psychic, he sure asks a lot of questions)
HUMP: The Mexican Prophet Conference. I’ve been working with them since they started, and I write for websites and magazines, but I also have a newspaper that I put out for free in Northern California, and so we run their ads and we have interviews. (Look for their ad in this and all HUMPs)
Uri: Where in Northern California?
HUMP: I’m in Chico, which is north of Sacramento.
Uri: Did I email you that my dog is called Chico?
HUMP: No.
Uri: I have a little Chihuahua called Chico. There you go. Its synchronicity for you. (Again, Uri is shameless in even using his dog to make a psychic point)
HUMP: Chico is a great town.
Uri: I should visit it one day.
HUMP; There’s been a lot of strange things that have happened here over the years. Robert Anton Wilson wrote about, in his research, how he found in 1910 in Chico, that fish fell out of the sky and covered a football field full of fish, and people came with their baskets and filled them up with fish.
Uri: That’s amazing. Maybe there are very powerful lay lines there.
HUMP: I wouldn’t doubt it! (what the hell are lay lines?)
Uri: Or maybe there is some kind of… almost a vortex, a magnetic pull, for this phenomenon to happen. Because, you know, in many places around the world, there are certain points on earth that very bizarre and strange things happen in. You know, where the pyramids are, in some spots in Israel, in Greece, in Turkey, in Japan very near Mt. Fuji very bizarre and odd events happen. So there could be some kind of…either a paranormal explanation of a supernatural explanation. Or maybe just Mother Nature is trying to tell us something.
HUMP: Mm hmm. And also, historically, in Chico, in the states, they say that the last Native American Indian, the last wild Indian, his name was Ishi, lived in Chico until he gave himself up to the white man. So there’s a lot of stuff that’s happened here.
Uri: You know, DNA, Ishi, in Hebrew, means two things. It means “very personal,” and it means “human”. So who knows? Maybe hundreds of years ago, if not thousands of years ago, there were connections between the Middle East and North America. That is also a possibility. Who knows? Maybe extraterrestrial intelligence landed here and made the connections.
HUMP: You’re going back to the alien stuff. People in Chico love that [laughs].
Uri: I am a very open-minded person. And I’ve seen certain things in my lifetime… I don’t know what you’ve read, but there are books out there that describe certain encounters that I went through with other people, that led me to believe that there could be an outside influence to do with my powers. And in a way, that discredits me. It tarnishes my reputation because if you come out and say, “I believe my powers come from UFOs”, then people think that you’re crazy. Even today, although more and more people now are more open-minded to the fact that aliens could be visiting us.
HUMP: I think that’s the power of your book. And I think that’s why, maybe, Andrew Weil came back to do the introduction, because the book steers away from fringe elements and gets to the heart of the matter. Transforming the self is crucial, and for those people like you and I who wanted to go deeper, those ideas are out there. But I think for most people, it would be a radical notion for them to just read your book, you know, let alone consider UFOs or where DNA comes from.
Uri: You know what you will really enjoy is my next book. Its coming out in the beginning of October, and I wrote it with a very controversial young American rabbi called Shmuley Boteach. You’ve probably seen him on Larry King or one of those shows, because he’s controversial because he wrote the book called Kosher Sex. And you know the establishment immediately attacked him, at least by the Jewish establishment. But the book is called True Confessions, and for the first time in my life, I really open up about certain things about myself and my past, and he opens up too. And I really recommend that you read this book as soon as it comes out.
HUMP: I will. I will do that. When I saw you on TV when I was quite young, there was something about you that opened up a new world for me, and you know, I was in fourth grade, and I went out to the library and started getting books like Psychic Discoveries Behind the Iron Curtain and…
Uri: Well, we should get together the next time I’m in the states. (I love this guy!)
HUMP: We should. And a funny story is, in my family the story is that when my mother was pregnant with me, when she would walk in front of the TV set, the channel would change.
Uri: Wow.
HUMP: Yep.
Uri: So you do have powers yourself.
HUMP: I suppose so [laughs]. I think they’re untapped.
Uri: How do you now earn your living?
HUMP: That’s a good question. I do a lot of community work. I work with a lot of local talent and bands, and I do free concerts. I do a lot of free things. So I’m not sure how I earn my living yet.
Uri: Interesting. Did you know, DNA, that there is a band in America called SpoonBender?
HUMP: Oh, right! [laughs].
Uri: They’re actually from your area. They’re based in San Francisco.
HUMP: I’ll have to look them up.
Uri: Look them up on their website.
HUMP: I will do that. (Try mintrecords.com)
Uri: They’re really incredible. What else do you want to know? You know my diary is on my site.
HUMP: I’ve read it all. You know, one thing that really would interest me is, you have a friendship with Colin Wilson? (Colin is most famous for his book The Outsider.)
Uri: Oh, yeah. Actually, I just saw him three weeks ago.
HUMP: He is, again, one person that’s been hugely inspirational in my life, and the one book that I found most inspirational by him was Mind Parasites. Remember that? It was more of a science fiction story.
Uri: He wrote a lot of books, but I do remember that.
HUMP: Yeah, that one basically talked about how when you start to go within and to tap your own powers, there’s these parasites that stop you, and they cause self-doubt and then they cause insanity. And to me that seems like maybe they’re not actually an internal organism but our own self-doubt, but who knows? Within me and I think within most people, there are these blocks and these obstacles. What do you recommend for getting through those things, to basically loving yourself, instead of always reflecting doubt?
Uri: Well, its very important, in a way, to love yourself, because most people pay attention all the time to others around them, and they tend to neglect themselves. Physically and psychologically, and also their psy-abilities are neglected. And I think that in order to balance your mind, your body and your soul, you have to harness your psy-abilities. First, you have to awaken them, then you have to exercise them, and then you have to harness them. And in order to awaken them, there are obstacles to go through, and I just sort of tell people to try to constantly be positive. Always be optimistic and just believe in yourself, and that will pave the way to find that psy-factor in you. So the secret is really that you hold the secret. No one else can help. You can read a million books, but at the end of the day, you have to do it yourself. And many people do it through little devices like meditations and visualizations, affirmations, being with yourself, projecting your mind into space and time, coming back with very powerful information, you can drift your mind into infinity and come back, and search infinity and you’ll come back with very positive knowledge. And those are little triggers that will enable you to find yourself. Am I making sense?
HUMP: Yes sir. I think that a topic alongside psychic powers and aliens that I think is taboo in a lot of circles, to me, at least, that I’ve found, is something that you know about and I know about, is the notion of Judaism. I find that the whole thrust of what Judaism meant seems to have gotten co-opted about 2000 years ago, and there’s not a lot of serious insight into what happened in the old testament. It’s all about the New Testament these days.
Uri: Well, look, I think that the big, profound, the ritual events are to be found in the Cabala. And this is why lots of celebrities and movie stars now tend to learn the Cabala, and experience certain things, and go through certain rituals. But having said that, the Koran has also profound knowledge. The Bible has profound knowledge. It’s really the way you interpret what you read. And if you interpret in a way you can journey with that interpretation, then you will really understand that all religions are focused on one God, and if you pray to God, then you’re praying to one God. It doesn’t matter what religion you belong to. Now, again, Judaism probably has a deeper facet because of the struggle throughout the centuries. Thousands of years of the struggle to exist and to survive, and being a survivalist, having to survive, is such a major force that you inherit certain genes, and it’s in your DNA in a way. That’s why I believe that when God said the Jews were the chosen ones, I understand why he said that. I hope you understand me.
HUMP: I do understand you. (I’m really not sure here, but I think what he meant was the proof is in the pudding.)
Uri: Its difficult for me, being Jewish, to tell you “Oh, our religion is number one and the best”. They’re really all equal.
HUMP: Right. And I totally understand that.
Uri: You can find those facets and angles and different dimensions in all teachings of religion and belief systems.
HUMP: To wrap it up, one thing I found funny was one of the articles you had online about a fictional account of finding the Jewish gene and copywriting it. They were part of my favorite writings out of all of the books I’ve read. I really enjoyed your humor and your perspective.
Uri: What made you look at my website at all, and how did you find the Jewish Telegraph on it?
HUMP: I’m pretty thorough. I read everything on the web. I read every single piece of literature. I’ve read some of your older books, and I went out and read the new one, so… and I’m interested in you.
Uri: We definitely have to meet. Aren’t you going to Mexico?
HUMP: [laughs] I don’t know.
Uri: Why don’t you try to get a ticket from them, to send you there? You’re doing a lot of publicity for them. (Uri is giving me a pep talk)
HUMP: That’s true. I should pursue that.
Uri: Why don’t you talk to the people. I understand they’re in Hawaii.
HUMP: Yes, they are.
Uri: What’s the big deal for them to send you… Where are you actually based? What’s the closest airport?
HUMP: Like an hour away.
Uri: Where is it?
HUMP: In Sacramento.
Uri: Sacramento. And they fly to Mexico?
HUMP: Yeah.
Uri: So, you know, email Hawaii and tell them you had a long interview with me. Tell them that you will do a lot of P.R. for them through your free newspaper, etc, etc, and the least they can do is send a ticket.
HUMP: Yeah, I’ll try that angle, Uri. I appreciate that. (Not going to happen.)
Uri: What is that music I hear in the background?
HUMP: I have a pirate radio station. Its another one of those free things I do. (Recently defunct due to the complaints of a fucking sub-genius geek.)
Uri: Did you know that every Friday I have my own one-hour on American radio?
HUMP: Really? (You gotta love how relentless this guy is in promoting himself)
Uri: I know that we are heard in Los Angeles, but… its called “Good Day USA”.
HUMP: Is it on the Internet at all?
Uri: Of course it’s on the internet. Get on my Website. You will find it under “What’s New”.
It’s a major show. It’s the 8th largest radio show in the United States. Its called “Good Morning America”, and the main presenter is a guy called Doc Steffan, and he has me on every Friday for one hour. I think you’ll find that program fascinating.
And so friends, get out there and start reading peoples minds, you’ll be glad you did!!!!!
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