Friday, April 18, 2008

It Does a Body Good?


It Does a Body Good!


DNA in the Legion of Super Chicks.

Last night I had the lucky fortune to be the only guy sitting at a round table of Santa Cruz Rollergirls.
I'm not the most smooth cookie when it comes to several things:
1. Talking in groups. I can talk to groups. I can talk to thousands of people. I just have problems in group talk. I like one-on-one. When more than one person is talking I become a listener.
2. Talking to girls. I feel like I'm 5-years-old when talking to girls. Call it immature, call it whatever you like, but, in the first 5 minutes at the table, I made three nipple jokes (there was a contextual reference point, but I immediately labeled myself as the "dork")

Thank god for beer.
It allows one to not talk and get drunk all at the same time!

As honored as I was to be sharing a space with such rad girls, I was there to see the main attraction. The band was KEHOE NATION! Featuring Brian Kehoe, THE Brian Kehoe of MIRV.
When it comes to Rock and Roll, MIRV was one of the greatest rock bands ever. A mixture of rock, country, metal and even opera. Things being what they are, and bands being no different, MIRV eventually went its separate ways. Always kinda bittersweet seeing bands break up, but thats life in the fast lane, the center can only hold together for so long before KAPLOOEY. Kehoe was in fine spirits last night in Santa Cruz, and that M-Fer can play the guitar like lightening in a bottle.
Great night! Except for being pulled over by Johnny Law in my own driveway on the way home from the show............and thats Rock and Roll!

Guilt without the lox.

OK. You want to know the real reason why this blog has been so difficult to do on a steady basis. GUILT! I originally saw this as a way to keep a daily record of my kidney donation to Max Alexander (see first blog). But along the way the stuffing fell out of the Straw Man and Oz was no longer in site. Fucking flying monkeys clouded my view.
My family thought I was crazy. My best friend, in a rare bout of clear-headedness, told me, "Fuck DNA, I could probably live without one testicle, but why would I want to!" I felt terrible even contacting Max and giving any hope at all. I can be such as asshole sometimes. Just the other day, I finally let Max know that I was unable to help him. Frankly without the support of my family and friends, how would I be able to count on their help with the month long rehab that I would need had I decided to go ahead with the operation!?

Well, Max responded and was cool about it. I imagine he gets guys like me who initially want to help and then back out more often than not. I'm planning an interview with Max soon to help spread the word.


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Stand-Up Jesus

I don't see as many comics a month as most comedians, but more than some, and a lot more than the average Joe or Jane. And, from my perspective, comedy doesn't seem to be making any strides, getting the human race beyond the same negative stereotypes that have been bantered about on stage since the 1950s.

I can go down the line and talk about how Mexicans, Blacks, Gays, Christians, and Muslims are routinely brought out as topics and then made fun of by today's comedians. More often than not, a recent trend is for Mexicans to make fun of Mexicans, African-Americans to prey on their own stereotypes, and Muslims (or Muslim looking comics) to talk about being seen as terrorists. Gays still seem to be open targets for everyone with a microphone. This is my observation.

I'm not a prude, some stereotypes are funny. Sometimes, and this is the advantage of being a comedian, it's only on the second (or third, or . . .) time you hear the bit, that the funny becomes apparent. A good case in point is a recent Justin McClure bit I heard about East-Coasters blaming whatever short comings they have on being because of the fact they are from the East Coast. Being born in Newark, NJ, I first thought that's messed up and not true. Second time I thought, "Not only is McClure right, it's freaking funny." But it should be noted McClure is from Boston, MA. He is an East Coaster himself.

Why these recent tendencies for comedians to only attack their own?

Maybe, it was the Michael Richards incident that has forced comics to stay within their own religion, race, coastal orientation and gender identity, for fear of being ostracized by their peers and audience. Maybe, comics have no fear of the Gay community and so continue with their lisping jokes. Maybe, a lot of things.

What I've noticed, with increasing alacrity is the comments, jokes and ramblings towards Jews. Out of the 75 comics I've seen in the last month, or so, barbs about Jews are pretty common. Last night I heard (from an Asian comic), "Why does everyone hate Jews? Even Jews hate Jews. I don't even know where they come from. Jewrusalem, maybe?"

On a side note, in repeating this joke to some non-Jew friends today, it killed, in a Guinness-World-Record-dumbest-racist-joke-on-a-Dixie-Cup manner.

The most prevalent comment/joke I hear revolves around, "Jews killed Jesus."

When it comes to stereotypes, I'm not sure any other group even comes close to being slandered as much as the Jews do, with this much ballyhooed tremendous falsehood. Being stereotyped as lazy, cheap, a good dancer, stupid, fat, or even a terrorist (although that comes pretty close) is not as loaded a remark as being responsible for the death of America's favorite messiah.

Other misconceptions (read: lies) are that Jews are this incredibly powerful, tremendously wealthy group of people. Truth is that Jews are a fragile small group of humans, that despite repeated efforts to obliterate from the planet, still survive.

Jews are one percent of the world's population, and between 2 and 3 percent of the U.S. population. A minority much smaller than African Americans, Mexican Americans and Asian Americans. Various forms of Christians make up over 90% of America. Jews rate around the same as the number of Wicca's.

Being a Jew, I am always surrounded by Christians, Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, Unitarians and all the other branches of the Jesus tree. Off the comedy stage, I constantly overhear in coffee shops devotees of Christ arguing about how they are the true believers and how other Christians are not as faithful. In Church last week, in Watsonville, the pastor kept trying to impress upon the congregation how Jesus fulfilled prophecy. Completely disregarding historical accuracy, the nefarious underpinnings of the Council of Nicaea, or any of the ancient texts found in the last 50 years (Dead Sea Scrolls, Essene Gospel, Nag Hammadi etc . . .), the pastor rummaged through Jesus' Bible, the Old Testament, looking for "proof" of his divinity, much like Beatles fans interpreted the back of Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band looking for "proof" that Paul was dead.

In the last 6 years, I have gone to various Churches about 200 times. Without exception, during every service some mention of Jews comes up. Sometimes it is as blatant as "Jews killed Jesus," sometimes it is more thoughtful as in, "Jews are not the only chosen people." Theology seems to be a very malleable construct that pastors mold to their own desires, goals and prejudices.

So, it is no wonder that when a percentage of comics hit the stage, products of their own religious upbringing, they come up with the good, "Jews killed Jesus," joke. I thought Lenny Bruce settled this years ago when he said, night after night, "Alright, I'll clear the air once and for all, and confess, Yes, we did it. I did it, my family. I found a note in my basement. It said: 'We killed him, signed, Morty.' "


Apparently, today's comics, while perhaps idolizing Lenny Bruce, have never taken the time or brain power to consider what the hell he was saying.

When Michael Richards went off on his tirade, it brought up deep feelings of racial divide, segregation, and hatred perpetrated on people of a different color that has lasted 400 years.

And perhaps people don't know this, but through the 1950s and early 60s in America, there were many places that Jews were not allowed. The Ku Klux Klan hated Jews. My Grandparents left Russia at the turn-of-last-century because the Russian soldiers were running their horses through Jewish villages crushing the heads of women, men and children. The holocaust is still a joke for some comics, but if the holocaust is funny, then why not Darfur? Wait for it.....wait for it......wait for it........

Personally I just don't get the continuation of the "Jews killed Jesus" funny business I hear on stage. And I for one will greet the next comic's pronouncement of this 2000 year-old lie, that has been the basis for most of the world's Antisemitism with a big "Fuck You." I'm not trying to be like Lenny Bruce, it just bothers the hell out of me and it makes me think that the comic I'm watching is an idiot who has no idea what the words coming out of their mouth means.

DNA is a certified muckraker and diamontologist. His newest novel is about a Jewish Messiah running for President in 2008 and can be found at

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Free Tibet

I'm trying my best to not feel like the world is on the brink of collapse, but, uh, how can we support a country like China who has one of the worst human right violations on the planet?

We may have more people in jail, but China just kills them. "Them" being anyone that disagrees with living in a Communist country. China invaded Tibet almost 60 years ago, driving the Dali Lama into exile and systematically crushing the spirit of an amazing, colorful, peace-loving people.

I'm a huge Eddie Murphy fan and here are some scenes from Golden Child, a film that hinges around a Tibetan Child who is abducted. It's interesting to note that, in the film, if the child dies, all compassion will disappear from the world.

We condemn Cuba for it's Communist beliefs, but welcome China with open arms ($$$$$).

I'm glad the Olympic Torch is being hijacked. Maybe now people will, as Murphy says at the end of Golden Child:


Gotta add here that if John McCain gets elected he will have a sticker on his desk that says "FUCK TIBET: I'd rather have a dollar for a Lama, than a Dali Lama."

Friday, April 4, 2008

Wake Up and Smell the Vodka

I can see why people abandon their blogsplots, as it hard to find the time to do this on a daily basis. And I thought I would use this space to print all the funny links I find every day, but nah, that's not what I'm feeling and it's my blog, so here goes:

The world is going to change soon. And I don't mean melting ice caps, I mean the world as we know it, like the REM song. America is so far in debt that if any country wanted to be paid the debt we owe them we would be bankrupt. Things were bad, but this war has put us in a tailspin. The rich are sitting, drinking champagne and thinking how good things are, from the top deck of the titanic. The change will affect all of us. The British Tabloids say we are in a depression. Even Vodka companies know whats going on. You've been warned.